


A Thing

by Marie_Tomas



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Confusion, Cuddling & Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Hurt Jared, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, Kissing, Living Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Past Bearding, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Jared, Oblivious Jensen, POV Jared Padalecki, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5109632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Tomas/pseuds/Marie_Tomas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From their first audition, when Jared fell in lust with Jensen at first sight, Jared has secretly wished that he and his co-star could have some kind of 'thing' between them.</p><p>As time progresses, Jared's feelings for Jensen might have transformed from lust to love, but he has to come to terms with the fact that his best friend is going on dates with women, and therefore his dream of a thing happening between them will probably never be a reality.</p><p>He thinks that this is the worst thing he'll have to deal with when it comes to Jensen Ackles, but then one evening, when Jared's ex shows up at his and Jensen's front door, he starts to suspect that Jensen might have an issue with Jared's sexuality, and he wonders if there are a few things that he didn't know about Jensen; or maybe there's something that Jensen's not telling him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Thing

**Author's Note:**

> It almost goes without saying, but the events depicted in this story didn't really happen and are instead the product of my strange imagination. :-)

Jared hoped that it wasn't a gay thing.

Okay, he reasoned as he tried and failed to get comfortable on his living room sofa and he pretended to concentrate on the TV show that he wasn't watching, maybe that statement wasn't _exactly_  true.

For one thing, since realising all the way back in high school that he preferred guys, Jared  _definitely_ wasn't adverse to situations with good-looking men turning into a gay thing.

Not to mention that when it came to Jensen Ackles, his best friend and co-star (and, for the past few months, his roommate in Vancouver, as well), Jared had  _really_  hoped that it could have been a gay thing right from the beginning.

Right from the beginning when Jared spent the day before their first audition together looking up the name 'Jensen Ackles' on the internet and then staring in fascination at the pictures his online search brought up, wondering how the hell he could ever convincingly play this guy's brother when said guy was so hot.

Then he actually met Jensen the next day and he was in awe all over again, not only due to the confirmation that he was just as attractive in person, but also because Jensen looked all shy and nervous, ducking his head and stammering through his greeting to Jared and blushing so red that his freckles stood out, especially when Jared went to hug him,  _so_  unlike most of the typically arrogant Hollywood actors who Jared usually met, and like he wasn't even aware of how hot he was.

All Jared had been able to think about was whether it would be appropriate to ask this guy if he happened to be into guys, too, and if so, whether they could just blow off their audition and go find the nearest available hotel room, or if they could maybe have some kind of  _thing_  between them if they both got through the audition successfully.

Not that Jared had been brave enough to say any of that stuff out loud, but still, the thought of having a thing between them had been there in Jared's mind, and he was amazed that he'd actually managed to focus on his lines in that audition.

Next, when they both got the part and they started working on the show, Jared couldn't help noticing how  _well_ they worked together, how it didn't feel like he was in competition with this guy, how it was totally awesome when Jensen started to relax around him and they made each other laugh between takes, and how cool it was that they spent most of their free time on set in each other's trailers playing video games.

He also  _really_  noticed just how well Jensen fit into his character's typical outfits, and how Jensen had perfected Dean Winchester's swagger and smirks; and okay, maybe he kind of developed a sort-of crush on the fictional character that was Dean Winchester based on how well Jensen played him; and Jared hoped all over again that they could have some kind of thing between them, and he started to imagine asking Jensen to a bar after work when they were both still in costume, and then their 'thing' could maybe get started with some kind of Dean Winchester role-play.

Then, the two of them worked together for a little while longer and they bonded more and became closer friends, and they started to spend time together outside of work, going for drinks or for something to eat, or spending evenings in each other's latest rented apartments, relaxing and eating take-out food and watching TV together.

And, even though Jared wasn't deluded enough to think that they were any more than friends, he was also well aware of the fact that the connection he had with Jensen felt a lot deeper than  _any_  of his past connections with his ex-boyfriends, and also that his feelings for Jensen ran a lot deeper than his initial attraction at their first audition, and he wished more than anything that their connection could also have led to a  _romantic_  thing between them.

Not long after that, like Jared needed to torment himself any further, he asked Jensen to move in with him, using all kinds of lame excuses about how it would be easier, because they could just go over their lines together at home, and his house was a lot nearer to work than Jensen's old apartment, and of course he'd rather live with one of his buddies than find a new roommate who he barely knew (as though he realistically couldn't afford to live alone at that point).

Jared was glad that Jensen agreed to live with him, because (in spite of Jensen's concerns at the beginning that they would end up hating each other if they lived under one roof and they were in each other's pockets twenty-four hours a day) living together only served to strengthen the bond that they already had.

Most of Jared's friends had warned him that living with Jensen and seeing all of his worst moments would quickly kill off any lust and attraction that Jared felt, and it was true that as Jensen's roommate, Jared often saw him when he was tired, sick, hungover, when he was cranky first thing in the morning before he had coffee and his hair was a mess, when he was upset and tense after long days at work or when he was missing his family, when he was in the bathroom with his head over a toilet or when he was wearing old pajamas and he looked exhausted. Yet even with all of this, Jared still felt  _exactly_  the same about Jensen.

If anything, living together only served to intensify his romantic feelings; Jared  _loved_  how Jensen shared all of his vulnerable moments with him, and he felt like he knew Jensen better than anyone else, and his secret desire for Jensen to suddenly wake up one morning and decide that not only did he love Jared more than the women he dated, but he also really wanted them to have a thing together, only increased on Jared's part.

Besides, being roommates meant that Jared also got to experience those glorious moments when they were sitting close to each other on the sofa, their legs practically brushing together, with Jensen sometimes accidentally falling asleep and leaning his head on Jared's shoulder, and also the times when they walked the dogs together, or the times when they played games with the dogs in the garden, and the moments when they cooked meals together, watched sport together, had their 'totally lame' movie nights, as Jensen called them, and they had their 'wrestling matches' and play fights on the living room floor, the moments when they sat on the edge of each other's beds late into the night while they went over their lines or they just talked, or the times when they laughed for what felt like hours about something funny that had happened on set and Jared looked over at Jensen while he was smiling and he thought about how much he loved him.

So, no, it wasn't that Jared hoped that it  _wasn't_  a gay thing (he'd hoped for that  _way_  too hard over the past couple of years only to have his hopes disappointed), it was more that he was hoping that Jensen didn't have a ' thing' about Jared being gay. And by 'thing', he really meant a serious issue with Jared's sexuality. A serious issue that could potentially affect their friendship.

He sighed and lowered the volume on the TV, trying hard not to think about where Jensen went when he walked out the front door earlier tonight looking tense and uncomfortable.

In spite of everything, Jared hoped that Jensen was actually going to come home after he left whatever bar or party he'd attended, because it would probably make things ten times worse if he didn't come back, especially when things were suddenly so weird between the two of them.

* * *

Of course, in spite of all his hopes and dreams, Jared had known all along that Jensen wasn't gay.

Right from the beginning, when he started looking up information on 'Jensen Ackles, actor', Jared had seen the paparazzi photos of Jensen apparently out on dates with attractive women, or strolling down the streets of Los Angeles hand-in-hand with his latest girlfriend, or appearing at red carpet events with a beautiful woman standing proudly by his side.

And, yeah, okay, Jared knew just as well as any actor that sometimes set-up paparazzi shots and well-timed appearances with aspiring actresses and models were required for promotion. They all had to do their publicity stunts.

So, it wasn't like he could judge Jensen's love life based on what the journalists published; but then his co-star's behaviour after they started working together didn't exactly contradict the paparazzi shots.

When they were on set, Jensen always talked about going out after work for what sounded like dates-dinners with women at expensive restaurants or drinks at exclusive bars or to see movies; or he'd be on the phone between takes and Jared had been sure that he could almost always hear a female voice at the end of the line (not that he'd been eavesdropping on Jensen's conversations, or anything).

After they had started living together, Jared noticed that women called Jensen all the time, and Jensen would always grin before he picked up the phone, mumbling, "That'll be my girl," before he left the room to go have a private conversation while Jared tried and failed to ignore his pangs of jealousy.

The constant grins from his buddies like Chad when he talked about 'Jensen's girls', followed by proud proclamations of, "Dude's a  _player_!" didn't exactly help Jared's situation, or his illusion that if Jensen ever wanted to be with  _him_ , he would be the perfect, faithful partner who would never look at anyone else romantically ever again.

After a while, the constant phone calls from women seemed to settle down a little, and there seemed to be more permanent fixtures in Jensen's love life, serving as yet more painful reminders to Jared of Jensen's heterosexuality.

First, there was a pretty blonde who apparently got along with most of Jensen's buddies, and- as Jensen would always inform Jared after he got home from his nights at bars and clubs-the same buddies would always make comments about how he and Pretty Blonde Chick would make a cute couple.

As Jensen spoke about all this, Jared noticed that he would usually smirk at him the whole time, or he'd roll his eyes in apparent exasperation or amusement, like the two of them were in on some kind of private joke, even though Jared really didn't get what the joke was meant to be.

With all the smirks and the eye rolls like that, Jared wasn't really surprised when Pretty Blonde Chick didn't seem to stick around in Vancouver for long.

But then there was Beautiful Red-Head, who Jensen seemed to spend a lot of his days off with, and he even went to stay with her at hotels on his weekends off, or they would go on camping trips together in the Canadian wilderness, while Jared spent those weekends feeling bored and lonely, with the house seeming way too big and quiet and empty, and, as he tossed and turned in his bed, he always worried about what the hell he would do if Jensen moved out to settle down with this woman, because he'd got so used to living with his best friend, and he couldn't imagine living with anyone else.

Yet surprisingly (to Jared, anyway) the visits from Beautiful Red-Head eventually seemed to decrease, and, when Jared finally found the courage to bring her up in conversation (in case Jensen was going through a break up and he needed someone to talk to), Jensen had simply shrugged and smiled and muttered something about how he and her would be perfect for one another, "If not for, you know…"

Jensen had looked at Jared like he was  _supposed_  to know, but Jared really  _didn't_  know, so he'd reached a conclusion on what he was supposed to know based on his knowledge that Jensen always complained that he didn't get to see his family or friends as often as he'd like, with having to live in Vancouver for work: "Yeah, dude, the long-distance thing really sucks," Jared had eventually finished for him, trying to look and sound sympathetic.

"Yeah, the uh… _long-distance_ ," Jensen had replied, blushing a little and giving Jared a weird look, and Jared had simply decided that it was just Jensen not wanting to go into detail about the true nature of the break up.

So, yeah, he'd learned a long time ago that Jensen was straight, and he'd accepted it…kind of.

Sure, he'd felt the sadness and the heartbreak when he first came to realise that Jensen preferred 'his girls' to guys, that the chances of Jensen preferring one guy in particular were slim to none, and it always hurt when he was reminded all over again that the man he was in love with was going out for dinner and a movie with said girls instead of him; but Jensen was his best friend first and foremost, and an awesome roommate and co-star, and Jared knew that he should be grateful just to have Jensen's friendship, to have someone who cared about him and was always there for him, no matter what; someone who would even cut short his dates if Jared ever called him and told him that he was feeling tired or homesick or that he'd had a really bad day, and their bond was therefore more important than Jared's mixed feelings of love and lust, and his jealousy of Jensen's girlfriends.

Which meant that the issue wasn't really a general 'gay thing', or the fact that Jensen  _wasn't_  gay or madly in love with Jared, but, sadly, the real issue was that Jared had seen for himself a couple of hours ago that Jensen  _really_  hadn't reacted well when he found out that Jared was gay.

* * *

Jared blinked rapidly when he thought about it again, feeling a little choked up and like he might actually cry.

He'd  _never_  expected this-not from Jensen. Sure, Jensen could appear a little shy and cold at first, and maybe even arrogant, to people who didn't know him, but the Jensen that Jared knew had always seemed so kind and caring and friendly, and easy-going and laid-back, and like he took people at their own merit, without asking a lot of questions about their personal lives or romantic interests.

Even when guys flirted with Jensen at bars (which seemed to happen a lot, not that Jared was watching), Jensen usually looked nervous and unsure and a little embarrassed, the way he always did when strangers tried to engage him in conversation, but never angry or hostile or disapproving, like he had any kind of problem with guys flirting with guys.

But, earlier in the evening, Jared's ex had shown up at his and Jensen's front door, and all of his previous beliefs about Jensen's attitude had been called into question.

He remembered how painfully awkward the whole exchange with his ex had been, with Jensen just standing there a few feet away from the door when Jared first opened it, apparently deciding to ignore their unspoken agreement to give each other privacy when they had friends or family over, eyeing Jared's ex warily while the poor guy mumbled something about how Jared had left his shirt at his place the last time he'd stayed over, before he started throwing weird looks in Jensen's direction.

Okay, maybe Jared could sort of understand why Jensen might not be too impressed with a guy he didn't know showing up at their home. Their profession meant that they had to be real careful about the personal information they gave out and who they let into their homes and personal lives, especially when they'd had incidents in the past with fans showing up unexpectedly, and even issues with potential stalkers.

It wasn't like Jared had even been  _happy_  about his ex being there. He'd been a nice guy, sure, and they'd had fun together for a little while, but after only a few dates, the two of them had been sitting at a table at a restaurant and all Jared could think about was how much he wanted to be at home with Jensen, watching TV together, sharing a pizza and drinking beer, and he'd looked across at his date and realized with a tinge of sadness and regret that he  _wasn't_ Jensen, he was never going to  _be_  Jensen, Jared was always going to  _prefer_  Jensen, and he had known there and then that he was going to have to end things between them.

For Jared, it had been a case of history repeating itself, as the same thing seemed to happen every single time. He tried to have relationships, he really did, but the truth was that all of the emotional support and comfort that he would have sought out in a romantic relationship now came from Jensen, which left only the physical 'comfort' that he had to seek out from other guys.

Unfortunately, this meant that Jared often resorted to going down the one-night-stand route, before breaking things off if they ever progressed into actual dating or if things started to get too serious.

The presence of his ex at the front door had only served as a reminder to Jared of all that, a reminder of everything that made him feel guilty, everything he wanted to deny and forget.

Jared had never really been a one-night-stand kind of guy; as much as he knew that some of the guys he hung out with would probably mock him for it, he'd always loved romantic dates and anniversaries, hearts and chocolates, kisses and affection, long and deep conversations, deep commitment and finding someone to sleep close to every night.

He  _hated_ that he'd turned away from all of that stuff, that he'd returned to the meaningless flings typical of his youth, that no guy ever seemed to compare to Jensen.

There was no way that Jared would have willingly invited a guy he used to date around to visit, but he had a vague memory of giving his ex his address one night when they were really drunk in a taxi and both trying to get home, and his ex must have remembered it, because there he had been, returning Jared's long-forgotten shirt.

The conversation had been as uncomfortable as Jared would have predicted, with his ex sighing just before he prepared to leave and mumbling, "So, uh, the dates we had were awesome. As well as the, you know…Anyway, it was too bad that it didn't work out…"

Jared hadn't even been able to agree with him, which made him feel guilty all over again, because, in spite of everything, his ex was a  _nice_  guy, and good-looking, and when he first met him, he'd  _really_  wanted to get over his unrequited love for Jensen and date a good guy.

As he walked away, his ex had thrown a nervous glance over Jared's shoulder, and the second he closed the door and turned around, Jared had seen for himself the reason why the guy had looked so worried, because Jensen had been standing there with his arms folded, his eyes wide, his expression one of anger, his body language defensive and hostile, and he even looked a little pale, like he'd just witnessed something that truly terrified him.

Jared had fully expected a few irritated suggestions in the bossy tone that always reminded him of Dean Winchester about introducing people before they came over to the house, or something about safety and security, but then Jensen had raised his eyebrows and asked, "You're gay?"

And Jared had started to feel a little uneasy, as though his stomach were slowly tying into knots. "Uh…yeah," he'd replied, cautiously, hoping more than anything that Jensen's apparent anger  _wasn't_  for the reason Jared suspected.

"Huh," Jensen had simply replied, folding his arms even tighter.

"I, uh…probably should have said something, right?" Jared had offered, trying and failing to smile casually, like it was anything close to being a joke.

"Whatever," Jensen had shrugged, and the shrug looked anything but casual. "S'not like your love life's ever gonna concern me, right?"

And that was when Jared's heart had truly started to break, because he could  _hear_ it, and  _feel_  it in Jensen's words and body language: the anger, the failed attempts at playing it off like it was nothing, the discomfort, the  _disapproval_.

He'd seen looks like that before. Luckily not that often now that he was a little older and he was careful to surround himself with people who loved him, but those looks still crossed the faces of strangers now and again, those looks had once crossed the faces of some people he once knew back home years ago when he finally told them that he was dating guys.

It was a look that usually spelled arguments and disagreements, intolerance and the end of friendships. It was the kind of look that was scarily familiar to Jared, and it was the kind of look that he'd  _never_ ,  _ever_  imagined he'd see on the face of his closest friend.

After a few more seconds of tension and uneasy staring, Jensen had eventually muttered, "I gotta go…uh, you know…yeah," before he turned around and headed in the direction of his room, leaving Jared standing by the door in shock and with no clue as to what Jensen actually had to go do.

Eventually, he had retreated to the relative safety of the living room, attempting to ignore the loud noises coming from Jensen's room that sounded suspiciously like Jensen was kicking or dropping something in anger, or like he'd slammed the door to his closet shut. He even heard a muffled yell of, "Damn closet!" after the second loud bang.

Normally, Jared would have gone into Jensen's room to check that he was okay, and then he would have made a joke about how  _he_  was usually the clumsy, accident-prone one, and Jensen would have laughed, so Jared would have laughed along with him, then they probably would have made plans to go out and grab something to eat and drink together, so they could relax after a long week of filming.

But, at that point, Jared had no longer felt comfortable walking into Jensen's room; he'd felt like there was suddenly a huge distance between them, like they were no longer talking, like they were in the middle of a serious argument.

In hindsight, Jared knew that he should have said something right from the start. Not that he believed that this guilt-filled conclusion excused Jensen's anger when Jared's ex showed up, and it wasn't like he thought that his early honesty would have changed the overall outcome or Jensen's attitude, but still, Jared could admit to himself that, as a good friend, Jensen had deserved the truth all along. And Jared hadn't given him that.

If he were going to play the innocent and naïve card, he could have said that the fact that he was into guys had simply never come up in conversation. Relationships were something that they never really discussed in detail, which was kind of strange, when Jared thought about it, because they always talked about everything else (Jared loved to talk, so he made sure of it); but, for some reason, Jensen always seemed to get weirdly awkward and embarrassed when Jared started to ask him about dates and girlfriends, so, most of the time, Jared just dropped it and changed the subject, and relationships and dating had become these weird, forbidden topics between them, and neither of them ever brought their dates back to their shared house.

Jared knew that  _he_  did this because he saw the house as their own little world, their own private space, and he liked to keep up his illusion that he and Jensen and the dogs were going to live together for ever, or happily ever after, but he honestly had no idea why Jensen seemed to play along with the illusion by refraining from bringing  _his_  girlfriends home.

Plus, since the first season of their show premiered, they both knew that fans speculated about the true nature of their relationship, and Jensen always sighed and rolled his eyes when they were asked not-so-subtle questions about how close they  _really_  were. Jared had kind of thought that he'd only make things worse if it ever became obvious to Jensen that not only did he go on dates with guys, but also that most of the guys he dated kind of looked like Jensen.

Yet even though he could come up with somewhat logical excuses for not sharing everything with Jensen, Jared knew, deep down, that he probably could have broached the subject at any time, despite Jensen's discomfort when it came to talking about relationships; he knew that in a way, he'd deliberately kept quiet, he'd intentionally avoided the topic.

Maybe it was because he'd got too used to the closeness with Jensen-the hugs and the affectionate gestures and sitting with their knees touching and accidentally falling asleep on the sofa pressed up against one another, and maybe he'd been real careful not to say anything that could possibly make Jensen think twice about the close contact, or lead him to believe that the contact was to initiate anything more than friendship, or more precisely, he hadn't wanted to reveal anything that might make a jealous girlfriend of Jensen's put an end to it.

Then Jensen had agreed to move in with him, and, perhaps selfishly, Jared had been so focused on the thought of getting to spend even more time with Jensen and getting to see him last thing at night and first thing in the morning that he'd kind of neglected to mention the fact that maybe he'd have boyfriends over. (Not that that had ever happened, though.)

At this thought, Jared felt guilty all over again; he felt bad for not saying anything, and he also worried that maybe by  _not_  saying anything, he'd kind of subconsciously known that Jensen would react like this all along.

When Jensen finally emerged from his room, he'd still looked angry and tense, walking towards the door with his head down and his shoulders hunched.

"I'm going out," he'd mumbled, when Jared got up from the sofa and followed him into the hallway, still feeling the knots in his stomach.

"Are you mad at me?" Jared had been brave enough to ask, unable to stand the tension and wishing that his tone of voice hadn't sounded so pathetic.

"I'm not mad," Jensen had replied shortly, shifting uncomfortably and biting his bottom lip and still definitely looking like he was mad, and Jared felt the overwhelming sense of distance and coldness all over again as Jensen slammed the front door and left the house.

And so Jared had been left to a night on the sofa with the dogs and a cold pizza that he hadn't even been able to eat, what with the feeling of his stomach in knots and the thought that he usually shared pizza with Jensen.

It was as though his worst nightmare had come true. He'd always thought that the unrequited love was the worst thing to deal worth when it came to Jensen Ackles, that nothing could ever be more painful than watching Jensen fall in love with somebody else.

Now, that idea seemed like nothing when he compared it to the fear of losing his friendship with his best friend if Jensen really couldn't accept his sexuality.

No, Jared corrected himself when he thought about it a little more; it was worse than that-it was like he didn't even  _know_  his best friend in the first place, like everything he thought he knew about Jensen had been a lie.

As much as it pained him to think it, Jared couldn't help wondering if he'd been living in some kind of fantasy world for the past few years-if he'd been so focused on how perfect he thought Jensen was that he hadn't picked up on a very important imperfection.

Had he actually let his love for Jensen blind him to the facts?

He spent what must have been a couple more hours going over these thoughts in his head, and worrying about what would happen if Jensen decided to move out, and also thinking that maybe it would be for the best, given the situation and the fact that Jared had obviously taken his fantasy of being with Jensen  _way_  too far, letting this dream ruin any potential real-life relationships, until the exhaustion from a long day on set finally pushed him into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

"I'm  _mad_ at you, Jared."

Jared was startled out of his sleep at some point later in the evening by the strange words that seemed to be spoken in a very familiar voice.

"I'm mad at you," the voice repeated as Jared blinked sleepily and tried to remember where the hell he was and why someone might be saying that he was mad at him.

"Huh?" Jared asked as he yawned and shifted around a little and then sat up slowly from his uncomfortable position on the sofa.

As he sat up, he noticed Jensen sitting on the edge of the sofa, swaying a little like he'd been drinking.

Instinctively, Jared wanted to reach out and hug him, the way he always did when Jensen got home late and he was drunk and Jared had been missing him and he wanted to show him how happy he was to see him; but then the events of earlier in the evening suddenly came painfully back to him as his mind and body woke up a little more, and Jared found himself moving away from Jensen and staring at him warily.

Surprisingly, Jensen looked a lot more nervous the second Jared sat up and stared at him, and when he spoke again, his tone sounded a lot more hesitant and embarrassed.

"I'm…uh…I'm mad at you…and uh, I know I said I wasn't, but I was and uh…yeah."

Jared looked at him in confusion for a couple seconds, before it hit home what this was all about and he felt a wave of sadness as he realized that Jensen was about to tell him directly that he had a problem with the gay thing, thanks to a little help from alcohol.

"You should have  _told_  me that you were…"

"Gay?" Jared finished for him when Jensen couldn't complete his sentence.

 _Just say the word!_ Jared wanted to yell at him, his sadness rapidly being replaced by anger and frustration.

He really didn't know how they could get past this if Jensen couldn't even say out loud what his issue was.

"Uh, yeah, that…" he mumbled as Jared glared at him, wishing that he could be anywhere else right now and not have to hear this, so that all of his previous illusions about Jensen wouldn't be shattered.

"If I'd known," Jensen sighed, "I would  _never_  have agreed to be your roommate; I couldn't, you gotta understand how hard this is now…"

In spite of his anger, that comment hurt. It hurt Jared real bad.

He blinked quickly again, really not wanting to break down and cry even as he thought about all the times over the past few months when Jensen came home drunk and hugged Jared and told him that he was an awesome roommate and that he loved living with him and the dogs, or 'the kids', as Jensen always called them, or the times when Jensen half-heartedly asked Jared if he wanted him to start looking for another place to live, and Jared would panic and shake his head and tell Jensen to stay as long as he wanted, and Jensen would get this shy little smirk on his face, like he was happy with Jared's answer.

Was Jensen really telling him now that he'd have been prepared to throw all that away, purely based on the fact that Jared preferred dating men to dating women?

They sat in tense silence for a couple seconds.

If Jensen hadn't looked so dejected and confused, and like he had something really important to say, Jared would seriously have started yelling at him.

Finally, Jensen found his voice.

"This was so much  _easier_ , Jay, when you were my hot, straight friend."

For some reason, Jensen sighed, and he looked really sad, like whatever it was that he had just said was totally devastating.

"Huh?" was all that Jared could ask in his confused, sleepy state.

Okay, he hadn't been expecting Jensen to say  _that_. He didn't even understand  _what_  Jensen was saying; that comment had  _totally_  thrown him.

Moreover, he really couldn't remember the last time he'd been described as  _anyone's_ straight friend. A good friend? Yeah. A cute friend? Sometimes. A friend who told funny jokes? Often. A friend who talked too much? Yeah, a lot. An affectionate friend? All the time. But a  _straight_  friend? Never.

"When I thought that you were my hot, straight friend," Jensen started to explain, stumbling over a few of his words, "I could pretend that the only thing standing in the way of us being this perfect couple that the fans always said we would be was the fact that you preferred women."

Jared just stared in Jensen in wide-eyed shock.

"I made up this whole pathetic story, you see," Jensen blushed, "where if you were gay, we would totally be together, maybe we could have even had a thing between us right from the first audition, or at least from when we started living together, because yeah, everything else between us is awesome, and it would have been the logical next step, if not for the fact that you preferred women; but hey, that was something that was out of your control… And yeah, okay, it sucked, thinking about how you were gonna end up with a woman, but it was easier, knowing that at the very least, it wasn't gonna be a guy who came in and took my place; it made it easier not to hate all those chicks I thought you were dating…"

Jared was sure that he could feel the knots again in his stomach. The story that Jensen had made up sounded a lot like his own story.

"But then, earlier tonight, when I saw that guy at the door, I worked out that you had been into guys all along. And yeah, dude, after I got over the shock, it kind of came as an awkward reminder that even though you'd preferred guys this whole time, you still hadn't preferred  _me_. I realized that the gay thing had never even been a part of it-the 'thing' was that you never saw  _me_  that way."

 _No_ , Jared thought.  _No way_. Jensen couldn't be saying what he thought he was saying. It was impossible. It was too good to be true.

"And now," Jensen mumbled, and Jared actually felt sorry for him, because he knew that Jensen  _hated_  deep, personal confessions like this; "I gotta stand by and watch as more guys come to the front door; I gotta be here in the house when men come over, when you're getting ready to go out on dates with them, and I gotta know that you're always gonna pick them over me, that they'll always be _better_ , and I've just gotta stand by and watch while you fall in love with some other dude. So, yeah, if I'd known all that before I moved in, I don't think I could have agreed to move in with you, Jay. So that's why I'm mad at you…"

Jensen went silent, looking like he was thinking things over, or thinking deeply about everything he'd just said, and Jared noticed that his body language gave away just how nervous and uncomfortable he was-he saw the head in hands gesture, he saw Jensen running a hand through his hair, he saw him looking away from Jared and staring into the distance, like he didn't want to be in the room right now; they were all of Jensen's nervous tells that were normally on display when they were up on stage and some of the questions were getting a little too personal.

Finally, Jensen sighed, looking all apologetic. "Dude, I'm sorry. I know, I'm being a dick, and I know how pathetic and selfish all that just sounded. But, yeah….I, uh, I thought you deserved the truth."

Jensen went quiet again, and Jared knew that now it was  _his_  turn to say something, that Jensen was expecting some kind of response.

"You're gay?" Jared asked him, because right now, that was the only idea he could process somewhat clearly in his half-asleep state when he thought about everything that Jensen had just said.

" _Dude_ …seriously?" Jensen asked him, his eyes wide, looking at Jared as though he were an idiot, as though Jared were joking around, as though there were  _no way_  that he  _couldn't_  have known this important piece of information.

"But," Jared protested, trying not to gasp in shock and still refusing to believe that this was actually happening, "the women you always used to appear with in magazine spreads and at red carpet events..."

"We all gotta do our publicity and promotion, right?" Jensen shrugged, still looking at Jared in disbelief.

"All the dates you went on with women after work?"

"They were all just drinks with good friends."

"All those women you used to take calls from  _all the time_? The ones you always referred to as 'my girl'?"

"I call  _every_  close female friend 'my girl'; it doesn't mean I'm in love with them, or anything."

"The beautiful red-head-"

"One of my closest friends. She thinks you're kind of awesome, too, by the way; you should talk to her more."

"A 'close friend' you stay at hotels with?"

"You never shared hotel rooms with your buddies?"

"But, you said that you'd be perfect for each other?" Jared demanded, still unable to believe that any of this was happening, that this had been the real truth all along.

Jensen shook his head slowly.

"If not for the long-distance thing?" Jared tried.

Jensen shook his head again.

"If not for the gay thing?" he tried again, his heart beating fast as he hoped against hope.

Surprisingly, Jensen shook his head again. "If not for the fact that I'm in love with my idiot co-star..."

"Oh."

"Yeah.  _Oh_."

They stared at each other in silence as the minutes ticked by, with Jared still trying to catch up on all of this new, confusing information in his mind and attempting to work out everything that Jensen had just revealed.

A part of him, a very happy-go-lucky and optimistic part, already wanted to dance around in happiness and celebrate at the news, but the logical side of Jared's brain was telling him that things might not be that easy, especially when Jensen looked just as confused as he did.

Jensen finally broke the silence, sounding tense and awkward but also a little hopeful. "You  _really_  didn't know? You didn't even suspect?"

Now it was Jared's turn to shake his head.

"Dude, I talk about the guys I find attractive all the time."

"I thought that it was just some jokey, bromance thing you did at Cons to make the fans happy…"

Now, Jensen was rolling his eyes. "I suppose you thought the one-on-one drinks with guys at least once a month were just 'jokey, bromance things', too?"

Jared nodded, then he grinned sheepishly as Jensen raised his eyebrows at him.

At last, Jared allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief, feeling like his world was finally re-balancing, or like things were re-balancing for the better.

"I thought that you had a problem-with the gay thing…a problem with me," Jared eventually admitted, quietly, when the silence went on for a little too long.

Jensen's eyes widened. "Dude,  _no_!" he protested. "No! Never! Even if  _I_  wasn't…just,  _no_. It wasn't about that. I was uh…I was jealous, okay? I saw you with him and I was having a tantrum; I was being a selfish jerk, but I wasn't being, you know…God, Jared, is that what you really thought?"

And Jared breathed a sigh of relief all over again, feeling like the Jensen he knew and loved was back with him.

It was only then that he really allowed himself to think about the implications of everything that Jensen had just said.

Jensen didn't have a problem with Jared, Jensen had called him hot, and oh yeah… _Jensen had said that he was in love with him!_

"It's not a gay thing, or a gay issue," Jensen added, sounding sad again. "I have a problem with the fact that you don't have a 'gay thing' for me," he finished, shyly. He even blushed a little and grinned apologetically, even though the smile didn't match the sadness in his eyes. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I'll get over it, Jay, I promise, as long as you're okay…as long as we're okay," he continued, even though he didn't sound all that convincing.

 _Say something!_  A voice somewhere in Jared's head yelled impatiently, as his mind started to catch up with his heart and he realized that Jensen had no clue about how Jared really felt about him, and what he said and did now would therefore be crucial.

He was sort of coming up with about ten things that he could say to maturely explain his own feelings when his heart suddenly decided to come into play and the next thing he knew, he was leaning forward impulsively to press a kiss to Jensen's lips.

He saw Jensen's eyes widen in surprise, and he heard the soft gasp, and he just about got ten glorious seconds where Jensen's lips actually pressed hopefully against his own before Jensen pulled away, still looking shocked and uncertain.

"Dude," Jared spluttered breathlessly, determined that he was  _not_ going to give up on the kissing, not now, not when the feel of Jensen's lips against his own had been so perfect. "Trust me, the  _last_  thing you have to worry about is me not feeling the same way."

Jared could think of a load of other stuff that Jensen  _should_  worry about if something happened between them, like the fact that they were co-stars who would still have to work together every day no matter what they were going through as a couple, the fact that they played  _brothers_ , the fact that they would still have to play brothers convincingly, both on and off set, if they wanted to promote the show, the fact that they were already living together, so it wasn't like they could start at the easy, early stages of romance, the general fact that they already had  _a lot_  of commitments.

Still Jensen looked at him doubtfully, like he couldn't believe it, like he couldn't  _let_  himself believe it only to have his hopes dashed if it wasn't true.

"I didn't  _know_ ," Jared continued to explain, starting to feel a little embarrassed, like maybe he should have known, like maybe the signs and the hints had been there all along and he just hadn't put two and two together. "Jen, if I'd known, if you'd said something, if  _I'd_  said something, we could have had a thing all along…"

Apparently that was enough for Jensen, because next minute, he was moving towards Jared again, and his lips were back on Jared's in seconds.

"Yeah?" Jensen asked, briefly pausing the kiss and sounding so scared but oh so hopeful.

"Yeah," Jared replied, unable to help the grin that spread slowly across his face.

This time, the kiss was anything but sweet and innocent; it was all teeth and tongues and even lip-biting, and okay, maybe it was a little awkward with the nerves and the fact that this was a new thing between them and the teeth thing, but it was still  _so much better_  than any of Jared's kisses with his ex-boyfriends.

Jared could taste the alcohol on Jensen's lips and he had a feeling that Jensen's increased confidence was maybe due to a night of drinking. Not that he was complaining.

As Jensen's hands caressed Jared's face, as he then ran one hand down Jared's back and another hand softly through his hair, and he even shifted around a little so that they were both in a more comfortable position, taking the height difference in his stride, Jared couldn't believe that he hadn't worked out earlier that Jensen was into guys, because judging by the way he kissed and the way he knew exactly where to put his hands, Jensen had  _definitely_ done this stuff with guys before.

Then Jensen pulled back a little, still keeping one hand firmly but lovingly in Jared's hair, and he looked at Jared with so much adoration in his eyes, and Jared couldn't help wondering how the hell he'd missed that look of love before, he wondered why he'd written it off as some kind of fandom myth or fantasy on the internet when it seemed so real and so obvious now.

"We're both idiots," Jensen whispered with a grin, pressing a chaste kiss to Jared's lips.

"Love you, too," Jared whispered back with a grin of his own.

He almost couldn't believe that he'd said the 'L' word right after a first kiss, before a first date, even, because he'd  _never_ done that before, but this was different, because this was  _Jensen_ , and this just felt right, it just felt like the next step in an already established relationship, and he'd apparently said the right thing, because Jensen jumped enthusiastically back into the kiss, even moving away from Jared's lips a little so that he could press kisses to Jared's jaw, and Jared was amazed at how he'd gone from being convinced that Jensen was straight, to Jensen being all over him like  _this_.

"Gonna show you how 'straight' I am, when I finally get you in the bedroom," Jensen practically growled against his neck, as though he'd read Jared's mind, or maybe Jared had just spoken his thoughts out loud, the way he always did when weird ideas came into his head and the next minute the same ideas were on his lips, usually in front of large crowds of fans, much to his Publicist's dismay.

Jared grinned and pulled Jensen in for another kiss, laughing about how Jensen was definitely still emboldened by his earlier alcohol intake, judging by how uninhibited he was with his kisses and caresses, and he was already feeling an excited but nervous anticipation at the idea of Jensen Ackles being naked in his bed.

It was the last clear thought that Jared had before he leaned back into the sofa, getting comfortable and taking Jensen with him, and then he just let go, relaxing and allowing himself to enjoy all the kissing, and the feeling of  _finally_  getting something that he had wanted for so long, and hoping more than anything that this wasn't all some amazing but fictional dream.

Later that night (or maybe it was morning, Jared had long since lost track of the time), he woke up, still on the sofa, to discover that the two of them hadn't in fact ended up in the bedroom but instead had fallen asleep on the sofa at some point during their make out session, with their arms and legs wrapped around each other.

He hadn't pictured Jensen as much of a cuddler in relationships, but as Jensen leaned his head on Jared's shoulder and placed an arm more firmly around Jared's waist, Jared reminded himself that there were a lot of things he hadn't pictured Jensen doing until the events of a few hours ago.

Jared grinned to himself, deciding that it didn't matter that they'd fallen asleep, because they had plenty of time-years, probably, if Jared had his way-for everything else.

And, as Jensen brushed his lips against Jared's neck, mumbling a soft, sleepy, "Love you," Jared also decided that it didn't matter if they called this a gay thing, it didn't matter what they labelled it as, because this thing between them was going to be the  _most amazing_ _thing ever_.


End file.
